THE RED EYE

This summer, I was sitting through a presentation on the future of mining in Canada, specifically concerning the creation of a society to share information and insight between companies and regain our superiority as a nation in the global mining community.  Apparently, back in the 70s, we used to both kick ass and take names, often at the same time.  Then the 80s happened.  Music lost its soul, fashion imploded in upon itself, and we, as a people, turned to computers for solace.  More accurately, instead of getting into making craters and looking for stuff, smart people started to like bleeps, bloops and not getting dirty for fun and profit.  There was a bit of a brain drain.

Then in the 90s, cartoon characters showed us that mining was evil!  It destroyed the environment and displaced critters from their homes.  So now mining has a bad rap, and mining companies are struggling their giant, corporate asses off to seem as eco-friendly as possible without actually having to do any more work.  Mostly they make parks over old mines.  Plant things.  And now, in the 00s, which totally makes me want to watch james bond movies, they’re hiring people to try to rebrand mining.  To recover public goodwill and make the word a positive thing in the mindspace of the teeming masses, be they ever so unwashed.   This is what they’re doing.  Of course, what the presenter actually said, was that they were trying to come up with new names for mining.  He clarified himself later, but it was too late:  boredom and caffeine had set in.

Here then, is a list of new names for mining that I came up with almost all by my lonesome.  Greg helped a little and offered creative criticism.  He also made fun of me and scratched himself.  He does that.

mining: revisited

Cave Thugging
Hole-Taking
Ground-Grabbing
Utility Holes
What do you mean, the world isn’t made up of candy?
Spelunking for dollars
Project: Subterrania
Mole Mugging
World 1-2
Gully Holing V2.0
Sustainable extraction
The Search for Mole-Men
The Sun is Overrated
Mining, except not
Resource Pirating
Shiny!  Dibs!
Team Shovelgasm
Anti-reclamation
Stealing From The Dwarves

Later on, in the question and answer period, somebody likened Saskatchewan to the hole in the donut that is federal funding, and how we’re starting to turn that around.  I think we should be a boston cream.  Possibly with maple glaze instead of chocolate.