In my many years at the University of Saskatchewan, I’ve come to learn that there’s a group of students dedicated to making me contemplate the rarity of common sense. We all know these students in Eng. The ones that come up to you and ask where the second floor of the Eng library is. The ones who ask where the ‘lambda lab’ is. The ones who bring their Captain Morgan’s into the ‘Eng Lounge’ only to watch him sail away with Campus Security as they find out that it isn’t a real lounge. And at times like these, all you can do is shake your head and mutter, “Fuckin’ first years…” Yes, we all know those students. So here they are, a list of real #firstyearproblems from this year, feel free to tweet your own @the_redeye!
“My first year was a lot like my sexual conquests during it… I failed. #firstyearproblems ”
“Starting dating upper year girl but didn’t check sexual history. Every time I walked in the lounge I thought they were applauding my arrival… #firstyearproblems ”
“Chem prof complains when people fall asleep in his class… I have narcolepsy… #firstyearproblems ”
“Went for Sex in the Building armbar, turns out the Dean does not count as a witness… #firstyearproblems ”
“Bought a poofie from table in the hallway.. I was in the Agriculture building… #firstyearproblems “
“Prof said that we were studying matrices, so I skipped class and watched Keanu Reeves pwn N00bs to study for the midterm #firstyearproblems “
“Went to school with a 4 year plan, leaving with an 18 year problem #firstyearproblems “
“Girls in Eng are so scarce that out of the 10 in my class 5 are taken, 4 are lesbians and 1 is my sister. #firstyearproblems “
“Thought that my Comm 102 prof was a first year girl, offered to tutor her in Biology… #firstyearproblems “
“This is why you don’t take me drinking.. I’m like a dog off a leash, I pee on everything… #firstyearproblems “
“All my buddies went to Bernouli’s Lab Friday night. I stayed in, I have 5 labs a week already, why would I go to an extra non-credit on on a weekend?? My friends are fucking idiots… #firstyearproblems “
“Heard some upper years cheering ‘FFY’ today. I don’t know what it means, but it sounded really encouraging! #firstyearproblems “
“Dad dropped me off at University with a box of condoms.. they expired… #FOURTHYEARPROBLEMS”
Compliments of the Red Eye staff.